


Airport Shenanigans

by timaeustestifiedsilence



Series: Homestuck Shorts [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Airports, Dorks, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Other, Pre-Sburb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 15:17:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3697121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timaeustestifiedsilence/pseuds/timaeustestifiedsilence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuck-in-an-airport-because-the-flights-were-SO-VERY-delayed-and-it's-like-two-am AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Airport Shenanigans

It was two in the morning, and the Houston airport was completely empty. Except for two people. And some other random people.

In one corner we have the Houston native, Dirk Strider. This man has an extreme immunity to heat. It is so strong, in fact, that he could stand in the depths of hell and watch as Satan scratched his head in confusion. He is also highly skilled in the robotics field. Spurred on by his daddy issues, he has created several robots to be with, such as Sawtooth, Buckwave, Lil' Sebastian, Brobot, and more. He also likes ponies and puppets. Weird puppets, I might add. 

And in the other corner we have the wild island dweller, Jake English. He talks like he was born in the wrong century and if he were any older I'm sure he'd have a handlebar mustache, like a real man. Since he lives in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, not much is known. Except for the fact that he loves a good adventure. And skulls. Actually, that one is painfully obvious - every article of clothing he owns has a skull on it, I'm positive. Oh, and also . . . blue girls? Neytiri? Whatever. 

What will the two do? Lets stick around to find out.

"Are you going to fight me or not, Strider? Are you  _scared_?" Jake said, poking the blond dude in the head.

"Do these eyes look scared to you?"

"I wouldn't know, they're always hidden by those anime shades."

Dirk face-palmed, "Alright, wise guy. That's not what I meant. I have circles under my eyes darker than the times of the century you thought you were born in and bags bigger than your island. It is two in the God forsaken morning and I do  _not_ feel like getting up from this comfier than average chair. Go fight a security guard."

This did not please the tan man, who put on his best pouty face and stomped over to stand in front of Dirk. Then, bending at the waist, he plucked those dorito-shaped anime shades off of the sugoi man's face and threw them in the trash. 

Oh boy. Anime protagonists beating someone up is the best, especially when mad.

The two proceed to battle. Oh, my bad, they proceed to engage in  _fisticuffs_.

Jake chooses to grab one of the velvet ropes and awkwardly try to tie up Dirk. It is super ineffective, and he ends up getting kicked in the nads. Then that cunning Strider grabs the trash can in which his shades were dumped, empties it on the floor, and plops it on Jake's head (and then puts his shades back on). How unsanitary! Now he's banging on it and it sounds strangely like . . . a school bell? But specifically . . . an  _anime_ school bell.

Now the two are running madly through the halls. Where are the security guards?!

The skull loving man finally gives in. He collapses to the floor with a clang, and Dirk trips over him. 

"I do believe I am in need of refreshment," he said,  _adventuring_ over to the airport cafeteria, "Oh, my! There's an ice cream bar! Just look at all those blues!"

Now it's food stealing time, I guess.

"What's ice cream?"

Oh, Mr. Strider, surely you cannot mean that.

Jake's jaw dropped upon hearing those pitiful words, "How . . . what . . . "

"Seriously, bro. There's never been any in my apartment."

"Don't you . . . have a freezer?"

"For . . . "

"Good golly! Alright, you buffoon, I thought you were more civilized. How do you keep food fresh, then?"

The buffoon shrugged, "I eat it. There are never any leftovers at the Strider residence. Or food at all, really. Jane usually feeds me. When she's in town. Otherwise I just eat out."

Jake sank to his knees, wailing, "Oh, you poor man!" Suddenly he was in Dirk's face, clutching the collar of his tank top, "You have not lived!" He then grabbed a large bowl and scooped one scoop of every single flavour into it, "Here's a spoon. Feast."

The ice cream virgin stared warily at the bowl before taking a small bite of some of the orange ice cream. Jake watched as the man's expression went from cautious and skeptical to pure joy. Then he got a bowl himself.

"What flavour you got there?"

"Nutter butter!"

Dirk's spoon stopped en route to his open mouth, "Aren't you allergic to peanuts?"

"Yes, why?"

"Dude, Nutter Butters are basically 100% peanut butter and the ice cream version is probably just frozen peanut butter."

Jake froze. Then he violently spit out the ice cream, the noise closely resembling something like 'bluh'.

"Oh my. That could have been a disaster! However, one brush with death is not nearly enough. One day I almost died ten times! Lets go explore some of the restricted areas." Now feeling invincible and especially frisky, the Jake of English hopped over a nearby counter and disappeared behind a door marked 'Employees Only'. Dirk soon followed, still carrying his bowl of ice cream.

Then he was nearly knocked over by someone (Jake) sitting in a mop bucket, wheeling out the door with his feet at the speed of light with a soggy mop held out like a lance. Dirk quickly finished his ice cream before copying the other's actions. 

The few other people in the airport leapt out of the way as the two sped down the halls. 

"Joust with me, Knight Strider!" Jake cried, turning his bucket around.

"Gladly, Sir English!" the knight yelled. After they lined up, a little boy counted down. On zero, they charged.

Yells erupted from their throats. Battle cries. This was for the hand of the princess. Faster and faster they went, their legs a blur as they pushed themselves along in their buckets. Mops ready . . . and . . . impact! Neither mop snapped, but the two brave men went flying. Dirk crashed into a trash bin that was (thankfully) empty. Jake rolled down the first few stairs of the 'up' escalator before slowly being brought to the top. As the two slowly recovered, a soothing voice came over the intercom.

"Flight A413 is no longer delayed. All flyers please proceed to terminal B. The plane will be leaving in ten minutes."

"Well, you better get on the plane," Dirk said, helping Jake up.

"I suppose so. Thanks for seeing me down here!" Jake said, grinning. The two exchanged brotherly hugs and Dirk waved as Jake walked away. 

I wonder what adventures will be adventured the  _next_ time Dirk and Jake end up in an airport. 

 


End file.
